I feel lost...and found

So this summer has really taken a toll on me. I'm out of my comfort zone 90% of the time, and that's been beyond difficult to deal with. I have a job in Longmont, Colorado. Doing something I don't particularly enjoy. Surrounded by people I don't particularly relate with. Wake up at a time that requires me to head to bed at 9pm. Wake up before the sun comes out. I'm taking an online class which I can never quite catch up in. I don't want to care. But I do care. Come 'home' to a place I don't really feel at home. Go to my actual home and still don't feel home. Be with people that I don't generally feel like I can be myself around. See my best friend maybe once a month. Feel like myself maybe 30 minutes a day. I feel trapped. I feel lost. I feel out of control. I feel like I'm being watched. Being judged. I've neglected people. I've given people the wrong idea about me. I don't feel understood. I don't feel like 'me'. I don't know what to do.

None of this is anyone's fault but my own. And much of this is just my interpretation. I need to give these people the chance to see who I really am and accept it. My personal priorities took over this summer, and those priorities were work and school, and that's what killed my summer. It wasn't the people around me. It was me. So hopefully I can start feeling like me now that I've realized that. Life isn't so difficult, it's just me being all pessimistic about it. Way for me to realize it now, with only a few more weeks of summer left. But hey, I realized it at least right?

So now I'll start being more optimistic, and not take life so damn seriously.