So every once in awhile when I'm going through something difficult I start talking to someone randomly and they come up with such a great way to explain my situation and explain it in such a way that all my fears go away. This is an example of one of those times:
"Love is like a car and doubt and worry and fear are like dirt and grime, and engine gunk and electrical problems...sometimes the love wagon just has some worry dirt and the engine grime of fear and the electrical worry problems... with time and effort, they can be fixed and that car will run like its supposed to and despite the problems, the car is always there (love wont fade, just some clarity is needed)"
Good stuff. That's all. Thank you to he who wrote this.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Wedding Jitters
No. I'm not getting married.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way...
I just went to a wedding. Of two very good friends of mine. They are absolutely perfect for each other, and they are going to be so unbelievably happy, from my point of view. But what do I know. What do any of us know about that 'right person' and those who 'just know' that they have found the person they are going to marry. What if I found mine at 15, or 16 or 17 but disregarded him because we were so 'young'? Or what if I am currently with the person I am meant to be with. All that stuff really freaks me out! Just how can anyone be so sure of who they are, and who they WILL be, and what 'forever' really means. It's just a scary thought, that I I realized this evening.
I was driving to the wedding this afternoon, and it hit me:
You spend your whole life thinking of something. The proposal goes perfectly. The ring is beautiful. The wedding plans begin. The wedding dress is picked out. The wedding plans are finished. And there you are, two hours before you are about to walk down the isle and pledge the rest of your life to one person. I'm not one that's afraid of commitment, but goodness that terrifies me. I just don't know how I could ever be THAT sure about something. And so confident. And so grateful that life has worked out so perfectly. And with the divorce rate, who knows anymore. Marriages don't last forever. Maybe that's a good thing because people are getting out of them instead of wasting their lives with the wrong person. But how do we know who that person is? How much work in a relationship is TOO much work? And how much is not enough? Where does that balance come from? and ah. Just how do you know.
Now that I've gotten that out of my system. :) Woohoo for weddings! They are so beautiful and inspirational. That there's such a strong love out there to be felt. I'm lucky because I have experienced love, and know how much stronger their feelings must be than anything I've ever felt because I'm nowhere near the point to devote my life to another human being. But I could one day be. And when that day comes, when I know without any doubt in my mind that I am meant to spend the rest of my life with this one person, to have children with this one person, and to grow old with this one person, that will be truly incredible and surreal!! And I will be the luckiest woman in the world.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way...
I just went to a wedding. Of two very good friends of mine. They are absolutely perfect for each other, and they are going to be so unbelievably happy, from my point of view. But what do I know. What do any of us know about that 'right person' and those who 'just know' that they have found the person they are going to marry. What if I found mine at 15, or 16 or 17 but disregarded him because we were so 'young'? Or what if I am currently with the person I am meant to be with. All that stuff really freaks me out! Just how can anyone be so sure of who they are, and who they WILL be, and what 'forever' really means. It's just a scary thought, that I I realized this evening.
I was driving to the wedding this afternoon, and it hit me:
You spend your whole life thinking of something. The proposal goes perfectly. The ring is beautiful. The wedding plans begin. The wedding dress is picked out. The wedding plans are finished. And there you are, two hours before you are about to walk down the isle and pledge the rest of your life to one person. I'm not one that's afraid of commitment, but goodness that terrifies me. I just don't know how I could ever be THAT sure about something. And so confident. And so grateful that life has worked out so perfectly. And with the divorce rate, who knows anymore. Marriages don't last forever. Maybe that's a good thing because people are getting out of them instead of wasting their lives with the wrong person. But how do we know who that person is? How much work in a relationship is TOO much work? And how much is not enough? Where does that balance come from? and ah. Just how do you know.
Now that I've gotten that out of my system. :) Woohoo for weddings! They are so beautiful and inspirational. That there's such a strong love out there to be felt. I'm lucky because I have experienced love, and know how much stronger their feelings must be than anything I've ever felt because I'm nowhere near the point to devote my life to another human being. But I could one day be. And when that day comes, when I know without any doubt in my mind that I am meant to spend the rest of my life with this one person, to have children with this one person, and to grow old with this one person, that will be truly incredible and surreal!! And I will be the luckiest woman in the world.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
My Two Sides
So I've realized that there are two sides of me. That isn't a bad thing, or at least I don't believe it is, and it's just the way it is. My two sides are the girly girl side and the deep side.
"Girly Girl Shannon": I like to giggle at stupid things, run around, care about what others think of me, get warped into gossip, this is basically the shallow side of me. I'm not sure how I feel about this side. On one hand, this is who I am, and I accept that. But on the other, I don't know if I like being this person. It seems silly to care about celebrities, read tabloids, gossip about others, and judge others. *Don't get me wrong this certainly isn't the dominant side of me, but it does tend to appear now and then with certain people.* So I think the point of writing this is for me to see that I don't like that side of me. By self evaluation (although VERY public self criticism) I can really see what I want to change. Another thing about this side of me, this is the side that I get stereotyped as a lot. Just by my appearance I am expected to be this way. And I like proving people wrong, because side two of me is my dominant side.
"Deep Shannon": I like talking about life. Analyzing myself and others. Talking about things that really matter in the world. Making connections with anyone and everyone who is willing. Talking about real things. Not how much you drank this weekend, because I could really care less. I want to have conversations about the world, politics, societies, financial hot buttons, advertising, moral issues, natural disasters, and all kinds of things that I believe solidify my beliefs and understanding of the world, and myself. I want to spend hours taking walks. Start a conversation with "how do you feel about..." and see where it goes from there. If you're one of those people (besides Heike, Dominic, Dan, Tommy and Matt) then let me know! Because I'd love to have one of those conversations with you. It's such a great way to learn more than you ever expected. Those conversations open my eyes to how others are, and how they view this complex world. We all know how we feel, it's time we challenge each other, and see who is worth connecting with.
Thank you to everyone for including me in some of those conversations. Even last week I went to a going away party and was shocked by the conversation. We talked about 911, Columbine, Michael Moore, and all kinds of other topics that made me think! I was happy to not resort to the topics about school, or movies, etc. So thank you to Larissa for that experience! And all of you who have challenged me, I'm the person I am because of all of you, and I'm forever grateful for that.
"Girly Girl Shannon": I like to giggle at stupid things, run around, care about what others think of me, get warped into gossip, this is basically the shallow side of me. I'm not sure how I feel about this side. On one hand, this is who I am, and I accept that. But on the other, I don't know if I like being this person. It seems silly to care about celebrities, read tabloids, gossip about others, and judge others. *Don't get me wrong this certainly isn't the dominant side of me, but it does tend to appear now and then with certain people.* So I think the point of writing this is for me to see that I don't like that side of me. By self evaluation (although VERY public self criticism) I can really see what I want to change. Another thing about this side of me, this is the side that I get stereotyped as a lot. Just by my appearance I am expected to be this way. And I like proving people wrong, because side two of me is my dominant side.
"Deep Shannon": I like talking about life. Analyzing myself and others. Talking about things that really matter in the world. Making connections with anyone and everyone who is willing. Talking about real things. Not how much you drank this weekend, because I could really care less. I want to have conversations about the world, politics, societies, financial hot buttons, advertising, moral issues, natural disasters, and all kinds of things that I believe solidify my beliefs and understanding of the world, and myself. I want to spend hours taking walks. Start a conversation with "how do you feel about..." and see where it goes from there. If you're one of those people (besides Heike, Dominic, Dan, Tommy and Matt) then let me know! Because I'd love to have one of those conversations with you. It's such a great way to learn more than you ever expected. Those conversations open my eyes to how others are, and how they view this complex world. We all know how we feel, it's time we challenge each other, and see who is worth connecting with.
Thank you to everyone for including me in some of those conversations. Even last week I went to a going away party and was shocked by the conversation. We talked about 911, Columbine, Michael Moore, and all kinds of other topics that made me think! I was happy to not resort to the topics about school, or movies, etc. So thank you to Larissa for that experience! And all of you who have challenged me, I'm the person I am because of all of you, and I'm forever grateful for that.
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