I love to cry

I love to cry. Something so free, something so intimate, personal, and yet so unbelievably relieving. Crying doesn’t have to be bad—it can represent this world of emotions that are bundled up inside and just need to be released. Like right now, I just got back from a full day, a good day, and yet I am crying. Might be crying out of boredom, insecurity, contentment, longing, or the fact that I just read something so wonderful, something that was so surreal yet made me focus on the realism of my life at the same time. I love to have things to love. I love to smile. “I love how a simple thing such as a smile or a hug can motivate us to be better people, even if it’s just temporary motivation” a quote of someone who was once part of my life. What a great way to word that—and it’s so true. How is it true? I think we all strive for that emotional contact—and smiling and hugging is how that is achieved. I love to compliment others. I love to look at others and see that split second it takes for them to recognize me, and then watch their faces fill with happiness. I love to hug. The arms just know where to go, how to connect. The head has a perfect place awaiting its return, and longing until its next encounter. Why can’t everyone hug? As a hello and goodbye. Some do. I do with my family, but not many friends. I did with boyfriends, sometimes close girlfriends. But I always feel awkward to ask for a hug. I want the whole world to hug. To all be able to enjoy that closeness whenever.

I want honesty out of life. Why can’t everyone be honest? Honest about feelings, whether they be good or bad, honest about…well…reality. Competition has taken over mankind that we are stuck in this world of ‘what do I have that is better than what he has.’ I’m exactly the same way. Constant comparisons: I dress better than she does, why did he pick her to date over me, why does he get to be so happy when I’m so miserable? All these questions run thru my mind daily, and yet I claim I want these to rid in our society. I love falling in love. That moment where you realize you look forward to the moments involving them each day. The days where you can’t go 10 seconds without thinking of them. When I get to smile randomly because of a perfect memory. Those perfect kisses. The nose kisses. The cheek kisses. The top of the head kisses. The soft kisses. I love to hold hands. When just two fingers are touching, or when my index finger sits inside his palm. When he opens the car door for me. When he leaves me notes—so simple and yet makes my day that much better.

Love is something I strive for. I’m lucky to have been one of the few to have experienced it twice before the age of 19. That’s rare. I love to be inspired. The realization that there is far more to me and my ideas in this world. When I can sit for hours with someone and learn how they look at life differently, and how I can better myself from those discussions. I’ve learned who I am. Just by a discussion. I have been able to make personal decisions about my future, my relationships, and my own independence. I’ve been given the amazing fortune of family and friends. Never once have I been lost without either of those to encourage me. I need people. I need those smiles. Those laughs. Man I love to laugh. When I lose control and snort. When I fall over laughing. When my abs hurt. When all else is forgotten and all I care about is how happy this feeling inside me is. Man, laughing is incredible. What a surreal and unexplainable feeling laughing is. That is what gets me from day to day. When I can think of a memory and begin to laugh. When I sit in class and just start laughing randomly.

I wonder what life is supposed to be about. I think it’s laughing and smiling and crying. And inspiration. We need all those to get us from day to day. I believe crying is essential. It’s impossible for us to live our entire lives without one tear. No one is capable for fully handling the stress entailed in our everyday lives.

Smiles, hugs, and inspiration. That’s all I need in life

...mmm...and chocolate...oohh...and bread.